I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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