Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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