Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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