Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
