Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Text me some of your sweat
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