Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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