did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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