We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
