I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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