I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
