I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
