dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
