Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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