Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
