Define "chronic" masturbator.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize