watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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