At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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