batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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