It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
