She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
