So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
