good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
