What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
