My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
