does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
