Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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