im drinking this country out of the recession.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize