I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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