I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
