Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
