i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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