Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
