At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
