im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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