I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
