my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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