im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
