i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
don't judge my taste in strippers
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
