Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
