So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
