So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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