AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
