Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
