I hate your face
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
