NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
