Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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