I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
