Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
