Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
