no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
