I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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