did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
