I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
