Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
