Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
