Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
