dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Someone came in the potted fern
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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