Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize