Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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