If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
