I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
