I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
