Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
