My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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