I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
