my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
