the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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