Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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