Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
