Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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